December 2018 A Little Bit Christmas

All the exciting events in December 2018 how to be a chef, add butter ackee and plantains

New Year New Me…

Sound clichéd but what the hey.  After a huge November, I had a quiet December.

I love Christmas and the girlfriend did a spectacular job of decorating the house. Work was ok I arrived back at the start of December after a lengthy break. Felt good to be back!

At straight back in at the deep end got tasked with costing out a 3 course Christmas menu for 200 people. That why I love when people say “Oh I cooked for 9 people at Christmas” I cook for 160 people daily and still do staff lunch for between 6 and 15 people in the kitchen. Just makes me chuckle. Don’t get me wrong cooking can be an extremely stressful ordeal, and I am not arrogant to belittle people who find it daunting. I just got to the stage of not giving a fuck.. Tends to make things go a lot smoother. So here is my Theory…

“You have a chicken running around in a field, this chicken has one destiny… To be a delicious chicken dinner. That is *their (Gender Neutral) only goal in life, *they will do everything within *their power to be a tasty Chicken dinner. The only person who can fuck this up is YOU!! Why would you do that.. Wreck a chickens destiny.. You Sick Thoughtless Bastard!!!

So I like to stand back and let the food do most of the work, I mean everything has a destiny who am I to stand in the way. “

Food will take a lot of abuse before you have ruined it so don’t panic. I will give you 3 tips from a professional chef with nearly 20 years in the game.

  1. You can always add but never take away. (seasoning, liquid whatever) add slowly.
  1. Cook for your own tastes
  1. Add Butter and Salt

That’s pretty much got me through everything

I would say

  1. Don’t be stressed

but that just something you can’t teach.

If you want the top ten tips for being a good chef-  here goes;

  1. You can always add but never take away. (seasoning, liquid whatever) add slowly.
  1. Cook for your own tastes
  1. Add Butter and Salt
  1. Don’t get Stressed
  1. Laugh At Yourself
  1. Some people can’t laugh at themselves. (that where you come in) Laugh at them!
  1. Sleep with as many waitresses and waiters as you can. (when it’s over you will miss that)
  1. If you wouldn’t eat it don’t serve it.
  1. You can never be too high or too drunk
  1. Never… NEVER!!! admit you are wrong, even if you have to say so or apologies.. Never mean it!

That pretty much works for a chef, Bond Villain or any other sociopath.

Sorry trailed off. So the month raced by. I cracked on with some more model making. And watched Christmas movies, oh and ate my weight in stollen.

Come to Christmas day. My girlfriends mum came over on Christmas Eve to spend Christmas day with us.  So in my family, it was always tradition to have Spaghetti Bolognaise on Christmas, purely because it is so different from what you will be eating for the next 2 week.

Anyways, a little back story. I broke up from work on the 21st December and had to still get a load of jobs done in the house, (fitting a handrail on the staircase, put up some shelves in the kitchen and change some light fittings) as we as get the house ship shape for the mother in law(elect). So had been working up to the hilt and only chilled when Sam went to the station to pick up her mum. Now I really like her mum, I lived with her for a couple of years and we genuinely get on. So with dinner, some alcohol was consumed, in fact, 16 cans of John Smiths. The 2 of them went to the front room and I had a smoke when I felt the fresh air I suddenly noticed the alcohol. Not wanting to embarrass myself or girlfriend I excused myself and went to bed. Middle of the night I went to the loo, I creep so I don’t wake anyone up then start climbing the stair. Suddenly I remember the mother in law is asleep up there. Just in time, Could have been embarrassing! So went back to the other bedroom, happy with myself after that near miss, the fact that I was stark bollock naked was neither here nor there! A which point I hear a sweet voice come from the bed “Sweetheart, I think you are in the wrong room”.

“Sorry Faye” and I stagger out suddenly remembering that she took our room and we were sleeping in the loft!

The next morning Sam tells me and say her mum doesn’t want to say anything, as not to embarrass me.  She is making tea in the kitchen as I walk in. I head for the 2-litre bottle of Irn Bru. (The scots make 2 things… Whiskey and Irn Bru, that is no coincidence.)(if you know about Irn Bru you Know!)

“Morning Faye”

“Morning Rob, Did you sleep ok” Sniggering.

“Well, I did come down to give you an early Christmas Present… But”

And that was it, everyone in hysterics. I have found myself in lots of embarrassing, humiliating situations in my life and the best course of action is to hit them head on!

So we had a delicious Caribbean breakfast of ackee and saltfish and fried plantain. You may notice 3 pans. I don’t eat fish and Sam doesn’t eat any animal.. It is useful being a chef in this house.

Ackee And Saltfish With Fried Plantain
Ackee And Saltfish With Fried Plantain Vegan Ackee With Palm Hearts and Grilled King Trumpet Oyster Mushrooms.

After that, I cracked open a beer and got started on cooking lunch.

Cute Christmas Wrapping Idea
Cute Christmas Wrapping Idea My Girlfriend Wrapped Me Up A Bottle Of Port Like A Snowman, Very Cute And Original.

A different starter for each, for sam Vegan Salmon with avocado and vegan Marie rose, for Faye a classic prawn and avocado salad. For myself, the ultimate surf and turf of a fillet steak and garlic fried King Prawns.

Then Lunch

Then after lunch, the girl went to the tv and I went and did all the washing up and cleaning. 1 Sam doesn’t get to see her mum much so gave them time to enjoy each other’s company and 2 Brownie Points.. You can take that to the bank!

Came in to watch Christmas Strictly Come Dancing, enjoy some cheese and biscuits and quality streets.

So the cheese board this year was made up of a stilton, French brie, a nice Comté, a piece of Wookey hole cheddar and the main event. Bath Cheese, . This stuff costs about £7 to £10 for a block of 250g. This is probably my favourite cheese now. Somewhere between a Brie and a Camembert but so smooth, teamed with a nice glass of port just amazing. Great with a Hovis biscuit, a water biscuit or even a baguette.

Then a bit of Anal Carr(– lol leaving that typo in there, talk about a Freudian slip) Alan Carr and then bed.

Then my family on boxing day and Sam’s brothers on the day after. One great thing about this was I got to speak to both her mum and Brother and ask them for sams hand in marriage. To me, I know no one owns her but Sam is old fashioned and I know it will mean a lot to her.

So pretty soon I should be engaged!

Anyways as the New Year dawns, I guess it’s time to get back down the gym and lose some of this winter weight.

Also, I really want to crack on with the blogging next year. So let’s see what happens.

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